how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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