your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Naked. naked and bneed help.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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