By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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