Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I know her cup size but not her name....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
