its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
