Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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