Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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