what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
