I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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