i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dick very happy bro
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
