chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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