dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize