you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
