Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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