bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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