He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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