Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
