I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
