I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
