is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
