Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
