I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize