he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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