What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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