i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
