their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
