I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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