Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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