bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
