A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
