Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I cannot find my penis.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
