lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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