U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
