Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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