saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
