I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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