dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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