And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize