Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
