i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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