Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
