I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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