Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
