I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
