I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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