just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
