After last night, I could never be a politician.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
