he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
