I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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