Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
