I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
