I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
