I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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