I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
