hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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