He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
