And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
