dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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