What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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