: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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