her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
