He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
