Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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