What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
