Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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